Last week, I wrote about some great benefits you can take advantage of with your public library card. I’ve been taking hardcore advantage of the Hoopla app ever since, reading lots of picture books to RJ and doing some productive reading of my own. You may have heard of this book, “Toddlers Are A**holes (It’s Not Your Fault)” by Bunmi Laditan or maybe even come across her Facebook page for parents to post their trials & triumphs with their kids, or maybe you’ve read through her hilarious Honest Toddler account on Twitter. But, if you’re not familiar, you need to get on this train.
**Let me preface this by saying, my baby boy is no asshole (yet), and this is all in jest. The point of this book is to laugh (and maybe cry) at the uncanny trials and tribulations of raising a little person. If you’re offended by the book, or the language…
As a fellow potty-mouthed mama, Laditan has the keys to my heart. “Toddlers are A**holes” is an irreverent and witty look at parenting toddlers, and it spares no expense at using all the colorful language you probably, most likely use when the kids are finally off to bed. And an added bonus, it’s a quick read, so you can finish it in a couple hours after bedtime.
So what makes this book so good? It’s easy, it’s fucking hilarious. And through all the jokes and sarcasm, there are a couple of genuine nuggets of advice for parenting toddlers (for example, you really don’t need to go all out for Christmas, toddlers just like to unwrap shit, even if it’s kitchen gadgets or toys they already own). As moms (or dads, or caretakers) of toddlers, we all need a laugh to get us through this crazy things called parenthood, and TAA completely delivers. My baby is just nearing 1, so he’s not quite a toddler in the true sense, but I swear a lot of these tidbits spoke to my soul.
I have about a year before I’ll be fielding questions like:
‘What if Elmo is my real Dad? Nah, I’m good on Elmo, RJ, but Barney, he was bae back in the day.
‘Does Sid the Science Kid have ADD?’ No RJ, but he does have too many damn questions.
Here are a few jewels from the book that might also be relatable (or at least laughable) for you:
ON BATHTIME: Buy bath toys if you want, but what toddlers really love are kitchen utensils. The weirder the utensil (couscous sieve, egg smasher), the more likely your kid will need that shit in the bath on the immediate.
ON PINTEREST: Pinterest assumes that you are a cross between June Cleaver, Martha Stewart, and a Home Depot employee, not a tired-ass, cranky parent of a toddler…
ON ACCOMPLISHING THINGS DURING NAPTIME: The secondyour ass touches the counch or your head hits your pillow, a sensor will go off in your child’s brain and she will immediately wake up crying…You tried to accomplish things and it hurt you. Never forget.
ON GENERAL TODDLER ATTITUDES: You’ve learned today that not only can the toddler not be trusted, she gives zero fucks. Not today, not any day.
ON DAYCARE: When it comes to price, approach it the same way you do a wine list in a restaurant; you want cheap, but not the cheapest. Choose the one second from the bottom.
ON CHRISTMAS: We need to talk about Elf on the Shelf. It can be tempting to buy one of these enchanted dolls to control your toddler’s behavior. But if your toddler isn’t afraid of you, what makes you think he’s going to respect a snitch?
So mamas, if you get a chance, check this one out. It’s a nice little treat to end your day and can easily be read with a couple of glasses of wine on the side. Some days, we just want someone to relate to the struggle, in this case, Laditan is your proverbial shoulder to lean on.