Hello mamas, it’s been 2 months since I’ve written anything. No scratch that, I’ve written plenty of things: grocery lists, tax returns, to-do lists, birthday cards, text messages…I just haven’t been here in a while. And not without wanting to, you see, I was also trying to get our business up and running. We hit a couple of bumps in the road, but we’re not giving up. More on that to come…but seriously, props to anyone who has successfully crowdfunded. It’s tough.
We’ve gone through another round of teething (those ones were a bitch and really took this mama to depths I hadn’t seen before), RJ is running, and climbing, and identifying new things, and observing, tantrumming, and becoming a curious little explorer of his own spaces and beyond.
I’ve had a few days where I felt life was falling apart, but I’ve had more days of being genuinely happy to be blessed with my little family and our kind spirited silly boy. I’m still tired, but, working on that, and slowly overcoming this new hot mess phase in life when you’ve just welcomed a new toddler into your home.
From my research, it’s common. In this time, The Man and I have gone through some ups, some downs, and a whole lot of bullshit in between. Again, i’m going to assume this is common. But i’m pressed to find many parents who talk about it. Parenthood is hard, it’s a tough job, and all parties are put through the wringer. I write about motherhood because that is my experience. But I think my fiance and I could write a book on the art of hopping on the parenthood struggle bus, and making it work. I’ve had some amazing opportunities to share pieces of my story with many more people than I thought I’d ever reach, thanks to an independent parenting magazine, Mamalode and Hyland’s (yes, that Hyland’s).
But, each day, all of the hard work, the tears, the joys, the pains, the ups, and of course, the downs make sense when I look at my little boy and see the joyful little human he is. His energy is both exhausting and inspiring. His smile is contagious. His curiosity is a sight to see and drives me to continue to foster his sense of imagination and endless possibility. All of this tells me I’m ok, we’re ok, and we gon’ be alright.
But it’s more than his little life that is pushing us through. It’s also a renewed sense of focus and energy on my behalf. At 16 months, it’s clear to me that life doesn’t necessarily get easier. Motherhood is hard, plain and simple. The fact that I want to be a stay/work at home mom also adds some level of difficulty. If you’ve followed a long since the beginning, you’ve read about my conflict to return to the workplace, me taking a stab at freelancing, (which is still a major key), and of course, hopes of starting a business (which became a reality, but is still getting the kinks worked out), my love for making time for myself, and trying weird things just to see what’s that all about, and a general love of caring for my family. The
struggle juggle is real. But, it’s more important now than ever, that I get back to a place where there is balance in all of these. And if you follow me on social media, you may have noticed a theme of imperfection coursing through my images, recently. Something that a few months ago, I was equating to failiure, but today I acknowledge as learning. I don’t have it all figured out, not even close. It’s funny how many of my friends assume that I actually do. Yes, I have kept a child alive…and thriving for 16 months, but with that came many a sacrifice, including that part where you take the course on having shit all the way together. But I can’t be mad at myself, I can only accept that I am a human, and literally, most things I am worried about “not having together” are man-made constructs that have no real bearing on life… 🤔 Think about that one for a bit. So here, I am, being vulnerable because that’s much easier, and more honest than trying to make it appear that I have it all figured out.
I am feeling more inspired than ever before to knock things out of the park. For me, for my son, for my family. So that means, Plan B of our little family business is coming real soon, new blog posts and content are on the way, and hopefully, i’ll take some of my writing to the next level and get published on some other platforms. Usually this is where people might say 2017 is the year of…blah blah blah. For me it’s not the year, it’s simply time. I don’t have motherhood all the way conquered, but I’m itching to get back to a place where I am creatively pushing myself and using my other skills. Because yes, it feels amazing to know that I can make a bomb ass dinner for my family, but it feels equally amazing to know that I can bring home a little bacon, too. So let’s get it!0